It is totally normal to feel stressed, anxious, disappointed or angry about things not going the way you imagined for your family.

If you are going through a break-up or you have been through one recently, you are probably going through a very stressful time. It's hard being a parent. You may be feeling that you can't cope or you want it all to go away. Most people have days when they feel like they want to go back to being a child themselves. This makes it hard to make any decisions. Be kind to yourself.

Sometimes your emotions around your break-up may get in the way of working out what is right for your children. There are a number of organisations who offer support and help for adults and children when they are dealing with family difficulties. You can find some listed in the section called More help and advice.

It may help to know

• As parents, you share responsibility for sorting out arrangements for your children. It is up to you to make every effort to agree how you will bring them up, as long as it is safe for you and the children to do this. If talking is difficult, help is available.
• There is one court called the Family Court, which works in different places across England and Wales, and which deals with disagreements between separated families. These are not the same courts where people who are accused of doing something wrong go.
• In most cases, courts expect both parents to see their children. This is because it is usually in a child’s best interests to spend time with the parent they are not living with day to day. Sometimes there may be reasons why contact is not safe or in the best interests of the children. Sometimes courts make an order restricting or monitoring this time, for example, contact between a parent and child may be limited to letters, cards and presents, if this would be best for the child.
• If your child's other parent does not pay maintenance or pays late, that does not give you the right to stop them seeing the children. If your child's other parent stops you seeing the children, that does not give you the right to stop paying maintenance. These issues are not linked in this way, although people commonly think they are.
• A lot changes as children grow up. The arrangements you make now for your children may not be the right arrangements for them next year or in 5 years' time. This is normal. Be ready to recognise this and adapt to meet the changing needs of your children.
• Whatever your situation, going to court is not the place to start. Before you apply for a court order about the arrangements for your children, the court requires you to find out about family mediation first, unless you can show that your case is exceptional (for example, where there has been violence or abuse between you). If you haven’t already seen our guide to sorting out child arrangements, it would be helpful to start there to see if you can avoid going to court.
• Family mediation is available whether you split up recently or years ago, shared a home or never lived together. Family mediation is not the same as ‘marriage guidance’ - it is not about getting back together. In fact it is the opposite - family mediation aims to help you to agree how you will live apart. In a situation where you cannot agree the arrangements for your children, a family mediator can help you discuss possible solutions. But it is not the mediator who makes the decisions or agrees to a plan; it is you.
• If you do end up going to court, the court help you and your child's other parent agree things between you where possible, if this is in the best interests of your children and safe for everyone involved. Courts prefer not to make a decision for you and think your own agreement is usually better in the long term for your children.
• If you represent yourself in any court proceedings without the help of a solicitor or barrister, then the law calls you a ‘litigant in person’. It is possible that you and your child's other parent are both litigants in person. You may also hear people talk about ‘self-representing’. This means the same thing.
• We talk about the court ‘doing’ things quite a lot in this guide. For example, the court may ‘send’ out a form, ‘make’ a decision or ‘think’ about something. It sounds a bit odd because most people think of a court as a place, a building. But ‘the court’ is often used to mean the people working in the court, whether they are a judge or court staff. And that’s how we use the term here and how you will probably hear other people use it too.
• We use the word ‘ex’ in this guide to mean your child’s other parent.

Legal aid is a government scheme to help people who live on a low income, have few savings and meet specific other criteria, pay for legal advice, representation and other help.

Legal aid is no longer available to pay for legal advice from a solicitor to help you apply for a child arrangements order unless you can prove you have suffered domestic abuse or that your child is at risk of abuse from your ex. 

Domestic violence and abuse

Domestic violence and abuse is any controlling, coercive, or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse. The abuse may be psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional. If you think you might be in this situation there are organisations that can help you. See More help and advice.

If you have experienced domestic abuse in your relationship with your child’s other parent it is really important to get legal advice before you make any big decisions. In this situation, reaching an agreement about contact may well not be the right thing to do to keep you and your children safe. You will need legal advice on this to understand how the court would look at your case. Make sure you look into whether or not you can get legal aid.

To apply for legal aid, you must be able to give your solicitor some evidence that you have suffered domestic abuse or that your child is at risk of abuse from your ex. For more help take a look at our guide called How to get legal aid for a family issue. You may be entitled to free or subsidised legal help from a family law solicitor. Check if you can get legal aid. If you are entitled, look for a family law solicitor who can take legal aid cases. You can find a family law solicitor who does legal aid by going to Find a legal aid adviser. If there has been violence or other forms of abuse between you, it may well not be a good idea for you to try and sort things out between yourselves.

Before making any big decisions, it is best to start by getting some help from a good family law solicitor.  You can find one on the Resolution website. They will be able to help you work out what the best thing for you to do is, and if you can do it yourself or if you will need legal help. Not all Resolution member solicitors offer legal aid - you need to look for the green tick next to their name when you use their online search options. Don’t be afraid to phone around and compare prices or see who gives free first appointments. 

If you cannot get legal aid or afford to pay for a family law solicitor, don’t give up. It is really important to get some legal advice on your exact situation. It may be that it is not safe for you or your children to agree on contact because of what has happened with your ex. There are other places where you can get help on these issues such as Rights of Women and RCJ Advice, the Child Law Advice service or law centre clinics. For more information go to the section called More help and advice.

Going through a break-up can be very demanding. There can be a lot to sort out, just at the time when you are least ready to face a long list of things to do. It can be hard to work out what is a priority and what can wait, if you are experiencing lots of different emotions all at once. Not understanding your legal position is, understandably, another serious worry.  

At this stage, if you can possibly afford it, you should get some legal advice early on in the process. This will help you get a good sense of where you stand and where you want to go from here. For example, with some legal advice you may find that you change your mind about applying to court.

If you think you might be able to get legal aid, be sure to check. 

The law explains what a court needs to take into account when it makes a decision about your child. The court will consider your child’s welfare above all else. This is about trying to decide, sometimes in difficult circumstances, what is in your child’s best interests. It means putting what your child needs first, before what each parent may want or need. 

The law makes it clear that the court must only make an order if doing that is better for your child than making no order at all. You may hear lawyers call this the ‘no order principle’.

The court must also avoid any delay, where possible as it is generally agreed that delaying a decision is not usually good for children and can sometimes cause them harm. If it is important that the court makes a decision before a particular event takes place, for example, your child starts nursery or goes back to or changes school or moves to live with another family member, then the court should take this into account when they organise the hearing in your case.

The law gives the court a checklist of other things to think about when deciding what is best for your children. You may hear this called the 'welfare checklist'. These are the factors on the checklist:

Your child’s wishes and feelings

This does not mean that the court will do whatever your child says they want. But if your child is old enough to understand the questions they are asked and the court (with the help of a Family Court Advisor) can find out what they think, then it will consider what they say. For more information about Family Court Advisors see The Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass or CAFCASS Cymru). The court will want to know that your child’s wishes and feelings are their own and have not been influenced by either of their parents. The court will pay more attention to the wishes and feelings of a child the older they are. In a few cases, the court may want to meet your child, or get a letter from them giving their views.

Your child’s physical, emotional and educational needs

This includes your child’s need for love and affection as well as for education, a home and food. It also includes things that can affect your child’s emotional well being. So if, for example, your proposals involve separating one child from his/her brother or sister, the court will consider how this will impact on their emotional needs. If you and your ex argue or resort to violence with your children around, again the court will take this into account.

The likely effect of any change in circumstances on your child

Change can be disruptive for children so the court will want to think about the effect on your child of any change you are suggesting, for example, in where they live or who they live or spend time with. Does the benefit of any change outweigh any possible negative effects?

The age, sex, background and any relevant characteristics of your child

This includes any cultural, religious or language needs as well as any disabilities.

Any harm your child has suffered or is at risk of suffering

Harm can mean ill treatment or damage to your child’s health or development, the impact caused by them seeing or hearing domestic violence or abuse or by preventing contact without a good reason. Can you protect your child from this kind of harm?

How capable you and the child’s other parent are of meeting your child’s needs

Do you have the skills to look after your child and meet their needs? If, for example, you have drug or alcohol problems and these problems affect your ability to meet your child’s needs then this is something the court will take into account.

You can sort out the arrangements for your children by agreement at any time – either before or after you start court proceedings or without there being any court proceedings at all. Whether you manage to do this will depend partly on you and your ex’s attitude to solving your problems this way. Any agreement usually means being prepared to compromise – accepting less or giving more. But it may be worth doing this to avoid the uncertainty and expense of going to court. And even if you do go to court, often the court will expect you both to compromise anyway.

Reasons for agreeing the arrangements for your children:

• You decide what happens rather than somebody who does not know your child. 
• It can be less stressful. 
• It can be quicker. 
• It can be cheaper. 
• It can create more certainty about the outcome. 

There are many services available to help you resolve your differences and come to an agreement about the arrangements for your children. You can find a list of recommended services at Signposting services.

Parenting plans

A parenting plan is a written plan worked out following negotiation between you and your child’s other parent or other family members. It sets out your decisions about the everyday, practical issues to do with caring for your children including how you are going to communicate about the children, living arrangements, money, education, religion and healthcare. A parenting plan can be a useful way of making sure everyone involved knows what is expected of them and creating some certainty for the future. Have a look at the Cafcass website for more information on parenting plans and to complete your own.

Get some legal advice

If you can afford it, it can be very helpful to get some legal advice on your options at the start to help you negotiate with your ex and avoid court. Go to the box on the right at the top of this section for more. 

It might be that it is not you but your ex (or another family member) who has come to you talking about their view on how arrangements are not working. This can be hard to deal with if you are happy with how things are currently. 

But remember there are some really good reasons for trying to work things out together if you can: 

• You decide what happens rather than somebody who does not know your child.
• It can be less stressful.
• It can be quicker.
• It can be cheaper.
• It can create more certainty about the outcome.

Try talking to your ex and listening to what they have to say. If this is difficult you might ask a friend or family member that you both get on with to help you in some way. This could be by being there when you speak to keep things on track and calm or by speaking to each of you separately about what you think should happen. 

If your ex has suggested changes to the current arrangements for your child that you are not sure about or are definitely unhappy about then it would be really sensible to get some legal advice now about your position. This will help you work out how to respond to your ex's suggestion. 

Get some legal advice

If you can afford it, it can be very helpful to get some legal advice on your position in relation to your ex's proposals and how negotiate with your ex to avoid court. Go to the box on the right at the top of this section for more. 

In this section we explain what you need to do before you start court proceedings.

As long as it is safe for you to do so, reaching an agreement yourselves is usually better than the court telling everyone what to do. You are more likely to be satisfied with the outcome and stick to the decisions you have made together. And children do better when their parents and relatives cooperate with each other.

Sometimes people think that by going to court they will get everything sorted out for them by the judge. In fact, often the judge will ask you and your ex to compromise when you get to court and agree on as much as you can without them making an order. So, it is usually better to avoid the time, costs and stress involving in going to court and try and agree things between yourselves. You may need some help with this. Mediation can be a good way to find a middle ground with your ex.

Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings (MIAM)

Anyone thinking of going to court must attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before making an application unless the requirement doesn't apply because, for example, they are applying for a consent order or are exempt.

This is true whether you are applying for a court order yourself without the help of a lawyer (you are a ‘litigant in person’) or you are represented by a lawyer and whether you have legal aid or not. 

The purpose of this meeting is to:

• give you information about how you might be able to sort out your disagreement without going to court; and
• assess whether mediation is a safe way for you and your ex (or other family members) to try and sort out your disagreement.

You need to contact an accredited family mediator to set up a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. They will invite you to attend a MIAM either separately or together with your ex. You can find an authorised family mediator by searching on the Family Mediation Council website, on the Resolution website by choosing ‘mediator’ in the service offering box, or on GOV.UK's Find a legal aid adviser or family mediator search.

Traditionally, mediation sessions usually take place at the mediator’s offices. But more and more mediators are offering online mediation now, by video call. This can be really helpful if you can’t or don’t want to travel to a meeting.

What happens at a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting?

The meeting will probably last about 40-45 minutes. The mediator:

• Explains what family mediation and other forms of dispute resolution are and how they work.
• Explains the benefits of mediation, other forms of dispute resolution, and the likely costs.
• Answers any questions you have about your situation and how mediation might work for you.
• Assesses whether you are eligible for legal aid for mediation or will have to pay for it.
• Assesses whether mediation or other form of dispute resolution is suitable in your case.
• Completes the relevant part of the C100 form if you want to make a court application.

For more information about how these meetings work, see The assessment meeting (MIAM).

Mediation aims to help you communicate with one another now and in the future and to reduce any dispute and conflict within your family. 

Circumstances when you don’t have to attend a MIAM

Trained mediators can help you talk to each other and find solutions, even when it is hard. They are there to assist you both and can provide you with a safe and supportive environment where you can work out solutions together. They are not allowed to takes sides - they have to be impartial. Mediation is voluntary which means that nobody has to use mediation after going to the first Mediation Information and Assessment meeting about how it works. Once you have been to the Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, you or the family mediator may decide there are reasons why mediation will not work. This may be because there has been domestic abuse in your relationship. It may be that one or both of you have a drug or alcohol problem or mental health difficulties. That problem or illness may create such a big risk or obstacle that it isn’t safe for mediation to take place.

There are some circumstances when you don’t have to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. For example, if your application is urgent, you have already tried mediation in the last 4 months or where there has been domestic abuse between you.

You can find the full list of circumstances in which you can ask the court to agree that you don’t have to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (the law calls this ‘claiming an exemption’) at MIAM exemptions. You can also find lots more help and guidance on this in our guide to family mediation. 

If you want to claim exemption from attending a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, there is a section of the C100 application form you must complete if or when you apply for a court order. 

How much does it cost to go to a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting?

Charges vary from one mediation service to another and often according to your gross annual income. When you phone a family mediator to arrange a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, ask about how much they charge. Some make no charge for the Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting itself but charge for completing the relevant section of the C100 form - if you end up needing this to apply to court.

If either you or your ex is entitled to legal aid then the initial Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, completing the relevant part of the C100 form and the first mediation session are free for both of you. After that, any further mediation sessions will only be free for the person who has legal aid. You may also be able to get legal aid for help from a solicitor during the mediation process. If you are the person who isn't eligible for legal aid, you will have to pay for any mediation sessions after the first one.

You must provide the mediator with documents proving what your income is and what savings you have. Ask the mediation service what evidence of your income they need to see in more detail. Without this evidence you risk getting charged because the service won’t be able to assess your eligibility for legal aid.

Forms and rules

Form C100 - there is a checklist and information notes at the back to help you complete the form. You can now complete this online which can save time. If you prefer to do a paper version and post it, you can. Details about both how to do both are in the link above.

You might find the Child arrangements programme useful. These are the rules and practice directions about the law on child arrangements.

You can look at the court guidance about MIAMs by going to Practice direction 3A - Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings.

For more information about making an application, see court leaflet CB1 Making an application - children and the family court.

Whether you are using a solicitor or doing it yourself, it’s useful to have an understanding of what is involved in a typical application for a child arrangements order. Even though your case may be different, we hope this example makes the process seem a bit less daunting.

You will probably come across lots of new technical words. This is the jargon that lawyers and court staff use. We think there's no getting around it - you have to understand what it means too. We explain these words in the section called What does it mean?

The story so far...

Pat and Mo have 2 children - one is 7 years old and the other is 5. Pat and Mo no longer live together. Mo looks after the children on a day to day basis. Pat used to see the children regularly but Mo is now telling him that his visits unsettle the children and that he cannot see them for the time being. Pat suggests they visit a family mediator but Mo is not willing to do this.

This is a step by step description of how Pat applies for a child arrangements order.

START

1. Pat finds a family mediator, asks about their charges and arranges a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting with them. For information about how to find a family mediator, see More help and advice.
2. The mediator offers an appointment face to face or by video call to both parents. The mediator invites both Mo and Pat to attend this meeting but only Pat goes along, having chosen a face to face meeting. At the end of the meeting the mediator fills in part of the C100 form and gives it to Pat. You can find more information about this form in our extended guide.
3. Pat chooses to fill in the rest of the paper version of the C100 form as fully as possible and signs and dates it. It is very important Pat provides all the information the form asks for about Mo including details of her previous addresses for the last 5 years. If he doesn’t, this will hold up his case (he could also do this form online if he wanted to. The online form has a section on mediation where he could just add in the important information from the mediator himself). 
4. Pat goes to his local library and makes 3 photocopies of the completed C100 form. (This isn’t necessary if he decided to do the form online). 
5. Pat checks whether the family court charges a fee for this kind of application and whether he is eligible to get help paying the fee. For information about court fees, see The basics of going to court.
6. Pat sends the original C100 form and 3 copies to the family court. He includes a cheque for the correct court fee. If Pat does not have a bank account he can send a postal order instead or take the forms to the court and pay the fee in cash. (Another option, is to pay online or by phone with a debit or credit card).
7. The court issues the proceedings and sends Pat a copy of his application together with a Notice of hearing. This tells Pat when and where the first meeting with a judge will take place.
8. The court serves a copy of the C100 form together with a Notice of hearing, Directions on issue and Acknowledgement form (Form C7) on Mo (or Pat can ask to do this herself, if she wants to). You can find more information about these forms in our extended guide.
9. The court sends a copy of Pat’s application to Cafcass or CAFCASS Cymru. A Cafcass officer checks to see whether the council or the police have any knowledge or worries about the children and also speaks to both parents separately on the phone. The court also tells Pat and Mo if there is anything else they need to do before the first hearing. Cafcass stands for Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service. Cafcass operates in England and CAFCASS Cymru in Wales. (For Pat and Mo this will be at a court building but sometimes hearings will take place by video or phone). 
10. Pat and Mo go to the family court for the First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment (FHDRA). They don’t take the children with them as it is best not to involve them, unless the judge has specifically asked to meet them. (At this first meeting, a judge and a Cafcass officer (in Wales, a Welsh Family Proceedings Officer) will talk to Pat and Mo about what it is they cannot agree about. They will also discuss whether mediation is suitable for them and could help them reach an agreement about the arrangements for their children.)
11. Pat and Mo cannot agree about allowing Pat to see the children and so the judge makes directions instead. The judge tells both Pat and Mo to write a statement setting out their views and gives them a deadline for doing this. The judge also asks the Cafcass officer to prepare a report and make a recommendation and fixes a date for the next hearing, a Dispute Resolution Appointment.
12. Pat and Mo write their statements and file them at court in good time before the deadline. They each send a copy of their statement to the other, and the Cafcass officer.
13. The Cafcass officer visits Pat and Mo separately, meets the children and writes a report recommending that Pat spends time with the children once during the week and has them to stay every other weekend.
14. At the Dispute Resolution Appointment, the judge explains to Mo that the Cafcass report recommends that the children spend time with Pat, and that this is likely to influence the judge’s decision if the case goes to a final hearing. The judge encourages Mo and Pat to reach an agreement in line with the report’s recommendation. Despite the Judge’s encouragement, Mo and Pat still cannot agree.
15. At the final hearing, Mo and Pat take it in turns to tell the judge what they are finding difficult to agree and what result they are looking for.
16. The judge discusses the recommendation in the Cafcass report with Pat and Mo.
17. Mo and Pat each decide that they will go along with the Cafcass officer’s recommendation.
18. The court makes an order.
19. The court gives Mo and Pat a copy of the order before they leave court. (If their hearings took place by video or phone call, court orders would be posted or emailed to them).

FINISH

In this section we explain which court to use, where you can find the forms you will need and information about court fees and court rules (Family Procedure Rules). We also talk about how much it could cost and how long it may take.

Which court?

You can apply to any family court but you should normally make your application to the family court nearest to the children. You can find the contact details and opening times of all courts at Find the right court or tribunal.

How long will the case take?

It is hard to say, but the length of a case is likely to depend on the number and complexity of things you disagree about. For example, the case will take longer if one of you raises concerns about safety issues such as allegations of domestic abuse, serious mental health issues or drug or alcohol misuse.

The court is very aware that any delay in decisions affecting children is not good. So, most cases take several weeks or months rather than years. However, there is a big backlog of cases in the family court so you may have a long wait from the date you send or give your application to the court until you get a date for the first hearing. 

Forms

Your nearest family court will have the forms you need and should give you a copy for free, if you go in and ask. You can now also do the C100 form online so you don’t have to worry about printing it or making copies. It is likely to be quicker that way too. If you prefer to do a paper form that is still available. You can find details about both on GOV.UK.

We will try and help by including a link to those forms that are most relevant in this guide. Where the form is also available in the Welsh language, we include a second link.

Most court forms seem a bit intimidating when you first look at them. A large part of most form (or online box) filling involves giving factual information. Read though each form a couple of times to find out what information it asks for. Then get together the information you need before you start filling it in. Once you have done this, the job may turn out to be a bit easier than you first thought. It is unnecessary to use long words and legal language. The best thing is to keep it short and simple. Stick to what is relevant and try not to repeat yourself. If you want to do the form online, you can see what it is going to ask you by looking through the paper version of the form first.

How much it will cost?

How much it costs you will totally depend on whether you deal with all the paperwork yourself or pay a lawyer to do some or all of it for you. Lawyers charge for their time. So, usually, every time you write, email or phone, they will charge you for the time they spend reading what you say, thinking about what advice to give you and giving you that advice. The more often you contact them, the more time they spend negotiating on your behalf or representing you at court hearings, the greater the cost – to you.

If you use a lawyer, the key is to use their time carefully. So prepare a list of the points you want to make and questions you want to ask before you speak to them (take a look at How to prepare for seeing a solicitor or adviser for more help). Legal costs can quite easily add up to thousands of pounds. This is one reason why the court encourage people to mediate and reach an agreement either without going to court at all or if you end up in court, at each hearing you attend.

Some lawyers offer packages of legal services for a fixed fee. Sometimes these services include a free first meeting. We suggest you ring round or email several to check what they offer for the price they are quoting. What will they do for you? What do they expect you to do?

You can also pay for a lawyer to give you a specific piece of advice or do a specific task. So, for example, you could decide to pay them just to prepare your application. If so, ring round and ask for a quote for doing this job. You might want to pay them to be available on the phone on the date of the first hearing to answer your queries or to represent you at the final hearing. Some firms offer a pay as you go option so you don't get any nasty surprises when it comes to paying your bill. 

Another option to help you stay on top of your costs is our Affordable Advice scheme. While reading this guide you will have seen that, at various points, we suggest you get some legal advice if you can possibly afford it. We only do this when we think it will be really useful. We set out clearly what the solicitor can advise you on and how much it will cost you. There are no hidden extras. For more information on this take a look at Our affordable advice service. 

You could also consult a barrister directly without having to involve anyone else (for example, a solicitor). This is often called ‘direct access’.  For more information go to the Direct Access Portal website.

If you have a specific amount of money you can afford, think about whether it is best to use this to help you prepare (for example spend it on legal advice or drafting), or to pay a lawyer to represent you at the hearing. What is likely to be best will depend on the issues in your case.

You should only have to pay for your own costs (not your ex’s as well) unless the court decides you have run your case unreasonably. That might include not doing what the court has ordered, failing to turn up for hearings, misleading the court or your ex or continuing to make unreasonable arguments.

Family court fees

You usually have to pay a family court fee when you start proceedings about the arrangements for your children. the court calls this 'issuing proceedings'. For information about family court fees and when and how to pay them, see Civil and Family Court Fees.

You may not have to pay a fee at all or only a reduced fee if you have a low income. For example, you will not pay anything if you can prove that you get Income Support, income-based Jobseeker’s Allowance, Pension Credit guarantee credit, Universal Credit with gross annual earnings of less than £6,000, or income-related Employment and Support Allowance and your savings or other capital don’t go over certain limits.

To ask for help with paying court fees, go to Getting help paying court and tribunal fees. This takes you to the GOV.UK page on the topic where you can choose to apply online or print off a paper form. You can work out if you are likely to be eligible for help with fees by using the online Fee Remissions Contribution Calculator (EX 160C). To find this calculator go to the Getting help paying court and tribunal fees page and scroll down until you see a document called ‘Fee remissions contribution calculator’.

We have a short guide called Help with court fees in a family case that gives you more advice on this.

You have to complete a separate application for each court fee you want help paying. This may mean you have to complete this form more than once during your case.

Family procedure rules

These rules explain what you need to do when. You may hear lawyers talk about the ‘FPR’. What they are referring to are these rules. You need to follow the ones that apply to your case. You can find the rules at Family procedure rules.

A quick look will probably just confirm your worst fears - there are loads of them. And an individual rule often comes with one or more additional bits of guidance, called ‘practice directions’. The good news is that only a few rules and practice directions are likely to apply to your case, unless it is very complicated. So it is not like a book, you don’t have to start at the beginning and read all the way through to the end. You need to pick out the rules that are relevant to your case. We will try and help you do this by including any key rules in this guide.

Buy our extended guide for more information about who can apply for this kind of court order, how you apply, what forms you must fill in, how you will know you have successfully started your case, who you have to tell about your application and what happens next.

Here's a brief overview of what's involved.

Checklist for starting an application for a child arrangements order

(If you have worked out you only need to do the C100 form you can do this online. It will probably be a fair bit quicker and you won’t need to do any printing or photocopying).

• Identify the right forms for your case (C100 or C2? +C1A? +C8?)
• Read them through to find out what information they ask for.
• Collect any information you need, for example, a copy of a previous court order about your child or children, previous addresses in the last 5 years.
• Answer all the questions that apply to you.
• Fill in your contact details correctly.
• Sign and date the form.
• Work out how many copies of the completed forms you need. If you are not sure, ask the court office.
• Attach any Parenting Plan you have completed in the past or any summary of the progress you are making with producing a Parenting Plan.
• Make the required number of copies of the completed forms.
• Copy any previous court orders about your children.
• Attach the correct court fee or completed form EX160 applying for help with fees to your application.
• Send by post or email or take your application and other documents together with the correct number of copies to the family court.
   

Forms and rules

Form C100 

Form C1A

Confidential contact details Form C8 

For more information about making an application, see court leaflet CB1: Making an application - children and the family court

For more information about the court process, see court leaflet CB7: Guide for separated parents: children and the family court

Get some legal advice

If you can possibly afford it, it will be very helpful to get some legal advice before you take the plunge and take your application to the family court. In order to get advice from our panel at our fixed price you need to read our extended guide so that you can make the most of your time with a solicitor on our panel. Go to the box on the right at the top of this section for more. 

Everyone tends to think their own case is urgent but as far as the court is concerned only a very few cases really are.

The court will only treat a case as urgent if there is a risk to the life, liberty or physical safety of you or your family, a risk to your home, or any delay would cause: 

• a risk of harm to your child,
• a risk your child might be removed unlawfully from the UK
• a significant risk of a miscarriage of justice,
• you to suffer unreasonable hardship, or
• problems in dealing with the dispute that could not be fixed later (for example, the loss of significant evidence).

Normally the court will not make any decisions without hearing from both you and your ex (or other family member). If your case is urgent, the court may be prepared to make an order without first telling your ex about the hearing or giving them a chance to have their say. The law calls this ‘without notice’.

But the court will only do this if:

• giving notice would allow your ex the time to take steps to defeat the purpose of the order, or
• it is so urgent that there has been literally no time to give notice even by telephone, text or e-mail, or
• giving notice would expose you or your child to an unnecessary risk of physical or emotional harm.

The court might accept that your case is urgent but still want to give your ex an opportunity to have their say. If so, the court might wait for short while so that your ex (or whoever the respondent is) can be given a chance to come to the hearing. There may not be time to give them the amount of warning usually required (you may hear this called ‘full notice’) and so the court may shorten the notice period.

If the court does make an order without notice, it will arrange a further hearing to give your ex (or other family member) a chance to have their say. If you are not the applicant and you were not given notice of a hearing, you have the right to ask the court to reconsider the order it made. You must do this straight away by writing to the court. You must also tell the applicant that you have asked the court to reconsider the order.

You apply for an urgent hearing by ticking the box on Form C100 against the question: Is an urgent hearing or without notice hearing required? You must also complete the relevant sections of the form explaining the urgency and claiming exemption from attending a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting.

Get some legal advice

If you can possibly afford it, you should get some legal advice on whether or not you need to make an urgent application to the family court. 

In order to get advice from our panel at our fixed price you need to read our extended guide so that you can make the most of your time with a solicitor on our panel. Go to the box on the right at the top of this section for more. 

For step by step guidance on how to respond if you've been sent a copy of your ex’s application for an order about the arrangements for your children, buy our extended guide.

Get some legal advice

If you can afford it, it will be very helpful to get some legal advice on the application you have received before you decide how you want to respond. In order to get advice from our panel at this fixed price you need to read our extended guide, so that you can make the most of your time with a solicitor on our panel. Go to the box on the right at the top of this section for more. 

In this section we explain what the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service is and what they do.

There are two of these services - one in England and one in Wales. The service in England is called Cafcass. In Wales the organisation is called CAFCASS Cymru. Both organisations provide advice and support to help the family court and families make decisions in the best interests of children.

A Cafcass officer (in Wales, a Welsh Family Proceedings Officer) - sometimes also called a Family Court Advisor - is a specialist social worker whose job is to help you agree the arrangements for your children if possible, carry out safeguarding enquiries and, if asked by the judge, write a report for the court about your children’s needs.   

Once they get a copy of your application, Cafcass or CAFCASS Cymru will carry out safeguarding checks (you may also hear these called ‘screening checks’ or 'enquiries') to make sure your child is safe and not at risk of harm. This is the process of asking for, receiving and closely inspecting information about the adults and children involved in your application.

A Cafcass officer (or a Welsh Family Proceedings Officer) carries out enquiries by:

• looking at your application form to see if you have ticked any of the boxes to say that you are concerned about the risk of harm to your child or children. (Sometimes even if you haven’t ticked any of these boxes, there may be something in your application that suggests there could be a risk. So, for example, if you mention that your children’s other parent is about to be released from prison, they will probably look into this further.)
• looking at the C1A form (if you have filled one in) and deciding whether they think there is a genuine risk of harm.
• checking whether the police or council have been involved with you, your ex, or your family and if they have any concerns about either parent.

Before the Cafcass officer finalises their enquiries they will usually try and speak to you and the respondent. The Cafcass officer will send a letter to the court to tell the court the results of their enquiries. You might hear this letter being called a Schedule 2 letter. If the Cafcass officer speaks to you or the respondent before they send this letter to the court they will include what you say in this letter. So, if you can, it is a good idea to really think about the most important things you want to say to the Cafcass officer before they call you.

This information is provided to the court, usually in time for the first hearing. Cafcass or CAFCASS Cymru will usually give this information to you too. If they don’t then the court will tell you what’s in the information unless it thinks that doing this might create risks for you or your ex (or other family member) or your child or children. 

If the judge asks, a Cafcass officer will write a report for the court about your children’s needs. The judge may ask the Cafcass officer to focus on one or more particular issues which you disagree about.

When a Cafcass officer is asked to write a report about your case they will speak to all the important people in your child’s life. This could be other family members, neighbours, teachers, nursery staff, support workers etc. - as well as you and your ex of course. Their aim is to find out what is happening for your child now and what is in your child’s best interests going forward. They will then make recommendations on what care arrangements should be put in place for the future for your child. They will use the welfare checklist (which you can find in What the court takes into account when making its decision) to help them make their recommendations to the court.

Working with the Cafcass officer in your case

Even if the court does not ask Cafcass to do a detailed report about your family you will still speak or meet with a Cafcass officer right at the start of your case. The Cafcass officer will usually call you and your ex as part of their enquiries before the hearing and also speak to you both at the first hearing.

If your first hearing takes place in a court building, a Cafcass officer will be there, but it is highly likely they will have other families to meet too and you will have to wait to be seen. After you have both spoken to the Cafcass officer there will be time to go into the court room with your ex and the Cafcass officer who will report back to the judge. The judge will then decide if the Cafcass officer needs to carry on being involved in the case or not. If your hearing takes place by phone or video call then the Cafcass officer will join the hearing at the same time as you, the other people in the case and the judge. In this situation the Cafcass officer will usually try and have a meeting with you beforehand, by phone or video call.

This can be nerve-racking for everyone involved. Below, you can read our top tips for working well with your Cafcass officer.

Get some legal advice

We have set out lots of information about Cafcass above but if you want to talk through your particular case, one of our panel of Resolution members can do this. Go to the box on the right at the top of this section for more. 

In this section we explain what happens at the first meeting (called a hearing) you have with a judge. The name given to this hearing by the court is the First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment or FHDRA. You may hear court staff and lawyers call it this, or they might just call it the first hearing.

If you are unable to reach agreement at the first hearing, it may be that the court will postpone (the court calls this 'adjourning' the case) so a report can be prepared by Cafcass or for other evidence to be obtained. When this further information is available, the judge may ask you to attend another hearing for something called a Dispute Resolution Appointment.  At this hearing the judge will explore with you again whether you and your ex (or other family member) may be able to agree arrangements for your children. 

If you are unable to reach agreement, the judge will order that the case is listed for a final hearing.

The judge can do a number of things at a Dispute Resolution Appointment, for example:

• identify the key issue(s) that need to be decided and how far they can be sorted out at this hearing;
• consider whether your case can be dealt with and finished at this hearing;
• listen to the evidence as a way of resolving or narrowing down the areas of disagreement (the law calls these ‘issues’) between you;
• identify what evidence there is on the areas of disagreement which remain to be sorted out at the final hearing;
• give final case management directions. These can include instructions about what further evidence you must file, whether you must file a statement, whether you need to prepare a bundle (this what lawyers call a file with all the key documents about the case), and the date of the final hearing.

You can find the court rules about this type of hearing by going to Practice direction 12B - Dispute Resolution Appointment

Get some legal advice

If you didn’t get any legal advice before the first hearing, it would be really sensible to get some now before you attend the Dispute Resolution Appointment. Go to the box on the right at the top of this section for more. 

Get some legal advice 

If you can possibly afford it, you should get some legal advice on what evidence would help support your case. Evidence can come from different places and in different forms. For example, a paternity test, drug and alcohol testing, medical records, school records or a statement from you or a witness who supports your case.

In order to get advice from our panel at this fixed price you need to buy and read our extended guide so that you can make the most of your time with a solicitor on our panel. Go to the box on the right at the top of this section for more. 

In this section we explain what a final hearing is, what happens in it and how to get ready for it.

The final hearing is when a judge hears the evidence and makes a decision. But this only happens if you cannot reach an agreement yourselves. People often think that the judge will run the hearing; that the judge will ask their ex questions, give them a hard time or unpick the evidence to get at the truth. Judges will help where they can (particularly if they think that you are struggling) but if you are the person who applied, generally you have to be prepared to take the lead.

Judges vary in how they start a final hearing. They should explain what is going to happen and put you at your ease. The judge may invite you to speak, or not. They may just expect you to stand up and start. If you are not sure what to do, just stand up and say something like, ‘Would you like me to start now?’ If you don’t know the judge’s name or how senior they are, it is best to call a man ‘Sir’ and a woman ‘Madam’.

Sometimes hearings take place in rooms rather than in courts and you may not need to stand up when speaking. If you're not sure about where you should sit and whether to stand or stay sitting when speaking, just ask the judge.

You and your ex will each have a chance to tell your story (the law calls this ‘giving evidence’). You will have to make a formal promise to the court to tell the truth (the law calls this ‘take an oath’ or ‘affirm’). Whoever is the applicant goes first and the respondent second. If your ex is represented by a lawyer, then the lawyer will get them to tell their story by asking them questions. When your ex finishes telling their story, you and the judge can ask them questions. When you finish telling your story, the judge (or your ex’s lawyer if they have one) can ask you questions. The Judge will help with asking questions where necessary. When you ask questions, make sure they are questions and not speeches.

If Cafcass or CAFCASS Cymru has prepared a report, the author of the report usually attends court for the final hearing. This will give you, your ex and the judge an opportunity to ask them questions about what the report says and the recommendations.

The judge decides what orders to make about the arrangements for your children and explains the reasons for their decision. Sometimes this will not happen on the same day as the full hearing because the judge needs more time to think about your case. In this situation you will be asked to come back to court another day. You won’t have to wait too long, maybe another week or so.

If you don’t turn up to the hearing, perhaps because you are feeling sick with nerves, it will usually still go ahead. To avoid this, try and get a friend to go with you. If you don’t go, it is likely that you will lose your case. If you have a good reason for not being able to get to court, it is really important that you phone the court office and ask them to get a message to the judge explaining the reason. The judge will then know that you are not simply avoiding the hearing. If you are genuinely too ill to attend court, you will have to provide a letter from your doctor to confirm this. You will need to tell the doctor that you have a court hearing as your doctor’s letter will need to be very clear about whether you are fit to attend court or not.

Getting ready for the hearing

• Make sure you have done everything the court has asked you to do.
• Have you sent all the documents you were told to send to the court?
• Make clear easy to read notes of what you want to say at the hearing so that you can refer to it. This will help you remember the most important things you want to say. You may think that what you want to say on the day will just occur to you at the time. But you cannot rely on this.
• Think about and plan the questions you want to ask your ex.
• Get your papers organised.
• Have a summary ready of what you want the court to order.

It is possible that your final hearing will take place over video or even phone. The judge is likely to prefer a video hearing over a phone hearing as it helps to see people’s faces when they are giving evidence.

A final hearing over video or phone will be quite different to one in a court building but all the same rules apply. It is likely to take longer as everyone will need to take a break from the screen at some point.

The court will tell you in advance about the type of hearing you will have. You will be sent information on how to join the hearing and how to prepare - for example what equipment you will need. Next is a list of things to remember if your hearing is by video call.

• Dress in something you would wear to a hearing in a court building - not your loungewear!
• Keep your camera on unless, for example, everyone is asked to take a short break.
• Look at your camera when you speak rather than yourself on the screen or the judge’s image on the screen.
• Put your microphone on mute unless you are asked to speak - this helps keep down background noise for everyone.
• Do not record or take any screen shots or photos of the hearing - this is a criminal offence! 
• Try and sit in a place where any light is in front of you. If there is a window behind your face will be in shadow and it will be hard for the other people to see your face.

For more information on hearings by video and phone take a look at our guide called Court and tribunal hearings by video or phone call.

There are strict rules about who you can communicate with about your case.

Communication doesn’t just mean talking to someone. It includes, for example:

• talking
• texting
• tweeting
• blogging
• messaging
• videoing
• emailing
• posting information on a website or online forum
• posting information on Facebook – whatever your privacy settings - or via any other social media or online tool
• phoning
• publishing something in a newspaper, magazine or book
• writing and posting a letter

For information about who you can communicate with about your case outside court, see Can I talk about my case outside court? A guide for family court users.

A statement is a written summary explaining your view of the background to the disagreement between you and your ex, what has caused you to come to court, what you want the court to do and why you think this would be best for your children.

Buy our extended guide for more information about when you have to prepare a statement, an example of a statement and top tips to help you write one yourself.

Get some legal advice

Your statement, (if you are asked by the court to prepare one), is a very important part of the evidence the court receives. If you would like help on how to prepare your statement and other evidence you can get this from one of our panel of expert solicitors. In order to get advice from our panel at this fixed price you need to read our extended guide so that you can make the most of your time with a solicitor on our panel. For more on how to do this go to What evidence do you need to support your case?

How to find a family mediator

Ask friends and family for a recommendation or your solicitor if you have one. Or use the Family mediator search. It is fine to phone around, ask how much they charge and compare prices. If you follow up a recommendation check the name of the mediator on the Family Mediation Council website to be sure the person recommended is accredited. For more help and support on using family mediation, take a look at A survival guide to family mediation. 

How to find legal advice

Use our Affordable Advice service to discuss the most important bits of your case. See the front page of this guide for more information. 

For help finding a family lawyer a good place to start is Resolution where you can find lawyers by searching using your postcode. Resolution members must commit to helping you work out your legal problem in a non-confrontational way. A green tick next to the lawyer’s name tells you that they offer legal aid.

You can also search for a specialist lawyer near you who has been accredited by the Law Society. This means they have a significant amount of experience and expertise and have passed a Law Society assessment - go to Law Society Find a solicitor page. You can also find a family legal aid lawyer via the GOV.UK website.

The Child Law Advice service provide free advice on all areas of English child and family law from the Child Law Advice Line on 0300 330 5480 Monday to Friday 8am - 6pm.

Rights of Women offers free, confidential legal advice for women in England and Wales on family law matters (for example, about domestic violence and abuse, divorce, cohabitation, finances and property on relationship breakdown, parental responsibility and arrangements for children and lesbian parenting). 

For women in England and Wales, call: 020 7251 6577. Line open Tuesday to Thursday, 7pm to 9pm, Fridays 12pm to 2pm (closed on public holidays). 

For women in London, call: 020 7608 1137. Line open: Mondays 10am - 12pm and 2pm to 4pm, Tuesdays 2pm - 4pm, Wednesdays 2pm - 4pm, Thursdays 10am - 12pm and 2pm to 4pm (closed on public holidays).

RCJ Advice family services include free legal advice delivered daily through legal appointments and FLOWS, a national domestic abuse legal service linking women to legal aid for family law. The service is currently working remotely and offering appointments by phone and zoom. To book an appointment please complete an Assessment Form on their website.

Another way to get legal advice is to speak to a barrister who is qualified to represent members of the public directly (without a solicitor being involved). There are limits on what a barrister can do outside of representation at court but it is often a cheaper option if you just want to get some advice rather than have a solicitor to negotiate on your behalf. The details of appropriately qualified barristers and an explanation of the way the system works can be found at Direct Access Portal. Don’t be afraid to phone around to compare prices or see if you can find someone who will give you the first appointment for free. Try and get organised before you make any calls, so that you can answer questions about your case clearly.

Help at court

Court staff may be able to explain court procedures and help you find a court form. They are not able to give you legal advice.

Support Through Court supports people going through the court process without a lawyer. Volunteers offer a free and confidential service at some court buildings. You can look at their website to see if they have an office at your local court. The volunteers aim to help you manage your own case yourself. They cannot give legal advice or act on your behalf, but can offer practical help such as going to your hearing with you and supporting you with your forms. They can also help you if your hearing is by video or phone, by talking you through the process and sometimes joining the hearing too. They run a free national helpline 03000 810 006, open Monday to Friday 10.30am - 3.30pm. This is a good place to start for information on what they can do to help you.

Child contact centres

Child contact centres are neutral places where children of separated families can spend time with the parent they don’t live with day to day and sometimes other family members, in a comfortable and safe environment. For more information, see National Association of Child Contact Centres.

Domestic violence and abuse

Always dial 999 in an emergency.

For support or to discuss your options you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or in Wales, Live Fear Free on 0808 80 10 800. Both helplines are open 24 hours a day. 

Both help lines are for anyone who is experiencing, or has experienced domestic abuse, or for anyone who is worried about domestic abuse happening to a friend, family member or colleague. It is free, confidential and the number will not show up on a BT telephone bill.

If you are a man and you or your children are affected by domestic violence or abuse you can contact the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327.

The National Centre for Domestic Violence provides a free, emergency injunction service to survivors of domestic violence regardless of their financial circumstances, race, gender or sexual orientation. You can contact them on: 0800 970 2070. Alternatively you can text: NCDV to 60777 and they will call you back.

Galop runs a national helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people experiencing domestic abuse. You can contact them on 0800 999 5428. 

You can find more information and support from:

• Refuge 
• Women’s Aid 
• Welsh Women’s Aid 

Parenting help and support

Cafcass / Cafcass Cymru (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) work with children and their families, and then advise the courts on what they consider to be in the best interests of individual children. They have lots free and useful information on their website for parents and children.

Gingerbread provides expert advice, practical support and other help for single parents on their website. 

If you can’t find what you need on their website you can call their Single Parent Helpline 0808 802 0925. 

• Mondays: 10am to 6pm, 
• Tuesdays/Thursdays/Fridays: 10am to 4pm, Wednesdays: 10am-1pm and 5pm-7pm. 
• The helpline is closed on all public holidays.

MATCH - mothers apart from their children is a charity that offers non-judgmental support and information to mothers apart from their children in a wide variety of circumstances -  [email protected]. 

Helpline: 0800 689 4104 9am- 1pm and 7pm-9.30pm, Monday - Friday.

Family lives is a national charity providing help and support in all aspects of family life. Their helpline can give information, advice, guidance and support on any aspect of parenting and family life. Family Helpline: 0808 800 2222 Monday to Friday 9am-9pm, Saturday and Sunday 10am - 3pm.

Help for grandparents seeking contact

Kinship is a charity supporting grandparents and other family members or family friends involved in caring for children when their parents can’t. They also have a useful section if you are a grandparent who is losing or has lost touch with your grandchildren.

Acknowledgement (Form C7) - is the form the respondent uses to tell the court that they have seen the application about the arrangements for the children.

Acknowledgement of service – the respondent ‘acknowledges service’ when they reply to the court (usually by filling in and returning Form C7) agreeing that they have received the application about the children.

Allegation - a claim that someone has done something wrong.

Applicant – the name given to someone who applies to a court for a court order.

Application – how you ask a court to do something.

Bundle - an information pack that pulls together all the information and evidence relevant to the case in one place. It makes it easier to refer to information during a hearing.

C100 form - the application that starts the process of asking for an
order about the arrangements for the children.

Cafcass – Cafcass stands for Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service. Cafcass operates in England.

CAFCASS Cymru – CAFCASS stands for Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service. CAFCASS Cymru operates in Wales.

Cafcass officers (sometimes also called family court advisors) – are specialist social workers whose job is to help parents agree the arrangements for their children (where this is possible) and write reports for the court about the needs of children.

Child arrangements orders – an order which sets out the arrangements about who a child is to live, spend time or have contact with and when.

Confidential contact details Form C8 - the form you fill in if you don’t want to reveal your contact details (your address, telephone number, email address) or the contact details of your child or children. Form C8 is just for the court – so they know where you are and how to get hold of you. The information you give on it will be kept secret unless the court orders differently.

Directions on issue - instructions given at the very beginning of a case telling you what to do and when.

Dispute resolution – this refers to ways of sorting out disagreements without going to court. It includes methods such as mediation and arbitration.

Dispute Resolution Appointment (DRA) – this is a court hearing which takes place towards the end of the court’s involvement in your case. It gives you another opportunity to see if you can sort out your disagreement with the help of a judge.

File – you file something at court, for example legal forms or documents, when you either take or post them to the court office.

First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment (FHDRA) – the court hearing which takes place at the beginning of the court’s involvement in your case.

Hearing – the name given to a meeting with a judge or magistrates.

Issue – officially start court proceedings.

Litigant in person – this is what the law calls you if you represent yourself in court proceedings without the help of a solicitor or barrister.

Notice – a notice is a bit like a letter. They are the way courts tell you what is going on and what you need to do next.

Notice of hearing - this tells you that a court case has started and when and where your first meeting with a judge will take place.

Order for directions - this is a list of instructions telling you what to do and when.

Party – this kind of ‘party’ isn’t about balloons and dancing. It’s a person or group of people forming one side in a dispute.

Pre-action – before court proceedings start.

Proceedings – court action taken to settle a dispute.

Respondent – this is the name given to the person or people you have to give a copy of your application for a court order to. A respondent can then reply (respond) to your application.

Serve – delivery of court documents, usually by post. In some circumstances, the courts also allow delivery by email.

Settle – sort out the case with your ex or other family member by reaching an agreement.

Statement – this is a written summary of the background to the disagreement, any recent events that have caused the application and what should happen in the future.

Statement of issues - an issue is something you disagree about. A statement of issues is a brief summary of what you want the court to decide for you because you can’t agree them with your ex.

Disclaimer

The information in this guide applies to England and Wales and is for general purposes only. The law is different if you live in Scotland or Northern Ireland.

The law is complicated. We have simplified things in the guide to give you an idea of how the law applies to you. Please don't rely on this guide as a complete statement of the law or as a substitute for getting legal advice about what to do in the specific circumstances of your case.

The cases we refer to are not always real but show a typical situation. We have included them to help you think about how to deal with your own situation.

Acknowledgements

This guide was originally written and produced by Advicenow with assistance from the Family Justice Council and updated thanks to funding from the Ministry of Justice and The Access to Justice Foundation through the Legal Support for Litigants in Person grant.

We would like to thank all those who provided feedback on this version of the guide, Polly Morgan, Associate Professor of Law.